we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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