I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize