Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
