In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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