Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
