I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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