I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize