if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
