She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
