Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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