Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
