Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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