I molested 6 butterflies tonight
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
