its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
