wake up i wanna do it froggy style
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize