so explain again why im purple
no
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
