Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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