i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
