Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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