I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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