Plan B is the new Plan A
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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