Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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