Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
