i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
