You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
