Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
