the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
