i think my mom watched the whole time
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
