...so i touched it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
