Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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