Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize