I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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