Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
