You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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