I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
