I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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