and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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