If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
