She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
