why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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