why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
