he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
