I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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