one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
