oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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