I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When are your genitals available?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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