dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
