im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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