its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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