It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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