So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
