so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
