yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
