Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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