i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
