I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dicks are not precious.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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