Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
