so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize