who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
