I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
