i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
