Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
