Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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