I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
