My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
