I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
