So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Randomize
