You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
