haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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