Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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