i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
