Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The uberlube is also flammable
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
