help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
