no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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