I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize