Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
