I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
