I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
