My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
