tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
