I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
