please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is wine microwaveable?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
