I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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