I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
