My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
