he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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