Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
