i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize