Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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