I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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