Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
