is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
