Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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