Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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