His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
