i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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