Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
