I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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