break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
