while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
