...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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