Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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