Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
