I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
