i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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