Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
