i may or may not be watching the land before time
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
