I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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